You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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