I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
