I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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