it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
