At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
