Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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