since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
