It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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