I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
