ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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