so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
