I skipped work to stalk him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
