Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
