Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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