It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
