drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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