I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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