Say something about gay babies.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
