She went from zero to smokin in five shots
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
