once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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