i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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