my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
