you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
