Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
