4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
