Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
