It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
