toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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