He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
