Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
