Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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