I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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