I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
