In the future we'll all be gay
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
