Where is the hickey?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have demons in me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
