If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
