I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
