I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
