I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
