I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
