careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
