JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
