a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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