Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
