That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my being single is dangerous.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
