carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
