Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
