I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
