It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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