Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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