New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
