white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
