omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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